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German
Army Humor
By
Eric Tobey
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The
following was taken from the Der Meldeweg newsletter
& was done so with permission of the publisher.
We would like to thank him for his generosity as well
as thank all those who have contributed to this
article. It is with their efforts, we are able
to share this valuable research with the rest of you.
What, you
ask? Everybody knows that Germans have no sense
of humor, you say. Well
they did (and probably still do), although some of the
jokes don't seem funny to American ears. Some of
the funnier ones will be presented here.
As the war
dragged on and Germany's resources were stretched
thin, there were many items which were replaced by
inferior substitutes. The term for such
makeshift stuff was ERSATZ. Ersatz materials
appeared everywhere, including in the Army and there
were more than a few jokes about it:
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A Landser who was disgusted with the quality
of the ersatz beer he was served in the
Canteen decided to send a sample of it back
to his Father's laboratory in Germany for
analysis. After a few days he gets the
following diagnosis: "Your horse
suffers from diabetes." (A
similar joke circulated amongst British
troops about their tea.) |
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soldier who had been guarding a lonely
section of the Channel Coast for a long time
was driven to suicide. First he tries
to hang himself with a Zeltbahn rope but
because it was made from spun paper it broke
and he fell to the ground, still alive.
Throwing off the ersatz noose he wades out
into the Channel to drown himself but the
wood fiber woven into the ersatz cloth of
his uniform keeps him afloat. Deciding
that he was meant to live, the man dies of
starvation two weeks later from the diet of
ersatz Army rations. |
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One of a pair of Landser is urinating
against a tree when his companion knocks him
over saying: "Don't do that! I
may have to wear that tree next month!" |
Speaking
of uniforms, there is another joke which deals with
them outside of the Ersatz issue:
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Official Army Order... Henceforth the Army
will wear civilian clothes to distinguish
itself from the rest of the Reich
population. (This joke originated with
the Nazi Party's fondness for providing a
uniform for just about everyone, including
the German equivalent of our National Rifle
Association.) |
There was
also a number of one-liners that dealt with war
itself:
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Can Germany lose the war?
Unfortunately not, now that we've got it,
we'll never get rid of it. |
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What is the difference between Chamberlain
and Hitler? One takes a weekend in the
country, the other takes a country in a
weekend. |
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